I’ve been neglecting the blog of late, but thought I’d at least get in a final post before a doddering 2017 shuffles off into the wings, and a brash young 2018 leaps onto the stage, all bright-eyed and bushy of tail.
I don’t know if there will be any more halfbananas next year, it’s future – like the fate of the crocoduck – is uncertain.
It’s been an odd year and not just numerically. At times it almost felt like we’d slipped into a parallel dimension where up is down, black is white and a maniacal clown occupies the Oval Office, spewing ignorance and misinformation every time he speaks or tweets.
The UK is a sorry mess, tribalism, polarisation and scapegoating continue to dominate global politics and there seems precious little to instill much optimism for the year ahead. But it’s not all doom and gloom. I’m sure if you dig a little deeper there are things to inspire hope and cheer up even the grumpiest misanthrope. I just can’t think of many examples right now.
Whatever your goals and aspirations for the new year, I wish you peace, happiness and in the immortal words of Abraham Lincoln: ‘Be excellent to each other. And… PARTY ON, DUDES!‘
Here I present my New Year resolutions and goals for 2018
Get more exorcism
Drink sensibly (eg not out of a clown shoe while wearing a false moustache)
After something of a hiatus, during which blogging time (and the muse) have been sadly lacking, I thought I’d try and get back to a weekly schedule of posting. Maybe.
In the few weeks that I’ve been absent from the blogosphere, I’ve managed to part company with a small lump – aka mystery spot – via a minor procedure. The test results identified it as a basal cell carcinoma, one that is thankfully no longer around to cause any mischief.
I now sport a fine scar, although sadly on my back, so I can’t show it off like those famous German duelling fanatics.
I’m also on the brink of a new business partnership, but more on that another time. And of course I’ve managed to miss out on all the great posts by my favourite bloggers too. Sorry guys.
I would try to catch up by speed reading everything I missed, but the last time I attempted that I simply gave myself a headache, blurry vision and an inability to say the letter Q. Continue reading →
New year’s eve is often a time of reflection and even regret, as well as anticipation and hope for the year to come. But we can only live in the present, so as a great sage once said:
“Be not afraid for the future or regretful of the past, for the past was once the future, and the future will soon be the present, until it quickly becomes the past, again. In this way there is no past, present or future. Or something.”
Wise words indeed and ones we can all easily choose to ignore.
We lost many wonderful people in 2016, including some personal heroes like David Bowie. I suspect we also lost a bit of faith in human nature, with the UK’s Brexit debacle and the US presidential election demonstrating once again how the masses can be manipulated by ruthless sociopaths and morally bankrupt media organisations to vote against their own best interests. We now live in a post-truth world we are told, although I’m not sure if that is true or not.
It seems it’s exactly one year since an absurd idea became an absurd blog and halfbananas was launched upon an unsuspecting world.
It all started with an odd tale of mutant mushrooms and Armageddon. Thus the tone was set for the multiple servings of half-baked concoctions, delirious ramblings and occasionally almost readable flights of fancy that is today unknown to tens of millions of readers around the world.
For my followers old and new, many thanks for your support and I hope you will stick with me as we continue to explore the frontiers (or indeed back-ears) of this crazy mixed up planet of the apes on which we find ourselves.
The agonising wait is over at last! Here are the winners in the very first ever halfbananas awards.
There are so many amazing blogs out there, it’s hard to keep up. I hope you enjoy discovering some great new ones, and if you’ve won a coveted halfbananas award, congratulations!
The dedicated awards committee have tried to recognise the best examples in various categories, but inevitably there will be lots of other fabulous blogs that missed out this time around. But never fear, there will be more awards, accolades and virtual pats-on-backs coming soon. Let’s spread the love people!
I look forward to seeing all the lucky winners and honourable mentions, at the lavish Hollywood party I will be hosting, assuming awards condition #3 is met (see below). Continue reading →
There are a plethora of awards in the blogiverse, as you may have noticed. Many of them come with a detailed set of conditions to be met and probing questions that have to be answered.
I myself have been nominated on various occasions, including the awards for best humorous partly-fruit-related blog, most banana-friendly blog and also for the Nobel Peace Prize. Although that last one was due to a mix-up.
I thought I’d launch my own awards with a slightly different set of rules..
If you are nominated for a halfbananas award, you should complete one (or more) of the following conditions/tasks:
1. Display the award proudly on your blog.
2. Thank me for the award by making a sizeable donation to my retirement fund.
3. Embark on a quest to locate the lost city of Atlantis and bring me the fabled golden chalice of eternal youth.
4. Invent a time machine and get me the Euro-lottery results for next Friday.
5. Have a selfie taken with Bigfoot.
6. All of the above.
7. None of the above.
Watch this space for the announcement of the very first award winners!
Genetically we are very similar – there is only a small variation among humans and the concept of different races is largely a social construct, not a biological one. We’re also not so different from our nearest relatives the apes – Chimpanzees share over 98% of our DNA.
We are related to all life on Earth in all its staggering diversity. Even bananas, which share 50-60% of our DNA, are distant relatives. I suspect this is why some people bruise more easily than others, and some quickly turn brown, or peel after sunbathing. They are a bit more bananas than the rest of us. (I’ve certainly encountered a few 100% bananas individuals online..)
One might think that the appreciation of all the wondrous diversity of life among our global kin would be hardwired. That Homo Sapiens would celebrate and embrace all the many forms life takes. Yet the history of our species is a bloody tale of intolerance, hatred and exploitation of our fellow man, and of the other species with which we share the planet.