It’s all finally beginning to make sense now. Fidel Castro‘s death is clearly another piece of the puzzle. A thorn in the side of the real Illuminati who run the world, he had to go, so a deal was struck to elect billionaire buffoon Donald Trump by nefarious means (Destroying Clinton with FBI smears, misinformation campaigns, mind control chemtrails, Russian hackers, etc, etc). In return Trump used his wealth and contacts in the Russian underground , business and showbiz to begin the final phase of a global takeover and remove all opposition. With Brexit secured, phase one – the collapse of the European union had begun successfully.
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”
And so to phase two – the assassination of key world figures of the left and the entertainment world, well known supporters of freedom and justice. The trick was making it look like natural causes. So far this year we’ve lost Bowie, Lemmie, Wilder, Cohen, Ali and Ronnie Corbett. And now, finally, after more than 600 failed assassination attempts, Castro is dead. With all the heroes and old commies gone, and the right surging to victory across the globe, they expect liberals will fall into despair and a drown their sorrows with drink, drugs and quality box-sets on Netflix. With opposition crushed, or at least badly weakened, all will be ready for phase three: The return of the mothership.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.”
At a secret meeting in a bunker deep underground, her majesty Elizabeth the second, monarch of Great Britain, stands to make a speech. Without her human skin disguise, the overhead lights bring out an eerie green glow on her reptilian hide.
“LupDujHomwIj luteb gharghmey lupDujHomwIj lubuy’moH gharghmey! Gree’ektr brdgqzx exxc theemt zzx’Ee ctxocc’hhg. Hzzsot, ha’Htrr Trump. Gree’eeKtr, zziX v’Nno trovxX zxc’vutee’Vit! NuqDaq ‘oH puchpa”e’?”
There was a ripple of applause and the creature known to millions as The Queen raised her glass of fresh child-blood and made a toast: Mwotxx Donald!”
The alien lizard known to humans as Donald Trump grinned broadly, flashing rows of tiny, razor-sharp teeth.
“Mwotxx” he replied with a nod.
“Mwotxx!” echoed through the chamber, as the other members, drained their glasses.
All of this would have remained secret were it not for the extraordinary bravery of one woman, a human serving slave, Sarah Connery, who risked her life to capture the scene on her phone and smuggle it to the resistance in her butt.
Trump, Putin, Kim Jong Un, Justin Bieber, and many more of the rich and powerful all exposed in their true guises. The footage is now safely in the hands of an elite group of citizen hackers and freedom fighters. They are confident that once the alien language has been fully decoded, the complete details of the evil plans of the real Illuminati will be laid bare.
So far the efforts to decode the footage and other intercepted transmissions have yielded some terrifying clues and insights. The resistance think that once Trump has the nuclear codes, America will be helpless to resist the joint North Korean / Russian takeover. China have agreed to remain neutral and France has pre-surrendered. Most of the dispirited former European allies, weakened by internecine fighting and high-level sex scandals will surrender within weeks. Bieber will reach number one in every nation.
When the mothership lands, little resistance is expected. But all it takes is one man or woman to inspire us. One person with the courage to lead us out of the coming darkness. Yes there is a storm coming. But with determination and sensible clothing, we can fight back. Humanity is not lost. We are waiting for the call to arms. Bowie, Lemmy, Ronnie Corbett, their deaths will not have been in vain. Brothers and sisters, we must fight the power! Fight the powers that be!
This was a guest post by Captain Mainwaring (retired), global resistance, Walmington-on-Sea, UK.
There will of course be those who dismiss this as the insane ramblings of a beloved fictional TV character who’s gone crackers after watching too many idiotic conspiracy videos. Perhaps they are right and in the months to come, no collapse of western civilization as we know it will occur. No alien mothership will trouble our lives and all it will be business as usual for most of us. But if the rumours are true, we must be prepared to face a challenge like no other in human history. And so it might be wise to stock up on loo rolls, tinned food and microwave popcorn. Invest in solar panels and wind turbines for your homes. Stay in shape and get plenty of sleep. For none of us can know what challenges lie ahead. Stay frosty.
©Text copyright Jason Lennick 2016. All rights reserved.
4 thoughts on “Illuminutty”
Yes, I believe we don’t need any aliens to destroy us, we can do it perfectly well alone.
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I loved Woody Allen’s movie, “Bananas”. Especially the scene where a large African-American woman announces she is J. Edgar Hoover. “I have many enemies,” she declares.
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I do love Bananas too, it’s full of gems like that one. Along with Love and Death it’s one of my favourites.
Aliens. That must be it. Give those earthlings a gun to shoot themselves in the foot and watch – what could be easier?
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