Unlike people, viruses are smart and evolve quickly, making them a challenging adversary.
Scientists are racing to perfect a vaccine, but in the meantime what can you do to protect yourself and your loved ones?
Here’s the handy halfbananas guide to the (almost) pandemic.
Avoid drinking Corona beer, a possible source (allegedly) of infection. You’ll be safer with Sol!
One meaning of corona is a crown, so it makes sense to avoid royalty at all costs. They travel a lot, spreading all sorts of nasty bugs.
Cheap surgical masks are not very effective, but add a few drops of chloroform and voila! You can stay home and take a nice nap instead of going out and risking infection.
Viruses can be disrupted or destroyed by heat and possibly by certain sound frequencies. Initial lab results show promise, especially with Christian rock music and anything by Vanilla Ice.
There are numerous conspiracy theories in circulation, and many believe it is no coincidence that the virus has a crown-like appearance. Perhaps further proof that the royal family are indeed alien lizard beings here to conquer the world. The truth is out there.
A cold bottle of Sol with a wedge of lime might not cure the coronavirus, but boy it goes down well after a long hard day of worrying about it.
Many wonder if crystals might be a solution? A combination of amethyst and clear quartz is said to reduce tiredness in bees, and may also offer some protection against werewolves. But so far they have proved ineffective in pretty much all other cases.
Homeopathy has also been touted as a way of fighting the virus and other ailments. Putting your faith in little bottles of expensive magic water seems unwise. Placebo effect aside, these remedies have been widely debunked as just more snake oil. Although snake oil is probably more effective.
Alcohol however, has been shown to eradicate the virus. It is not known if Sol beer counts, but it certainly can’t hurt to try!
At the end of the day, the best protections are simply good hand hygiene, avoiding sick people and a fully functional underground bunker/lair in the desert.
For more detailed (and reliable!) information about the Coronavirus outbreak, see the WHO’s information page here
In the immortal words of Mr Spock, “Live long and prosper”.
This post could be (hopefully) brought to you in partnership with Sol beer – the lager of pandemics.
© Copyright Jason Lennick 2020
Photo by Iago DL on Unsplash
It’s all finally beginning to make sense now. Fidel Castro‘s death is clearly another piece of the puzzle. A thorn in the side of the real Illuminati who run the world, he had to go, so a deal was struck to elect billionaire buffoon Donald Trump by nefarious means (Destroying Clinton with FBI smears, misinformation campaigns, mind control chemtrails, Russian hackers, etc, etc). In return Trump used his wealth and contacts in the Russian underground , business and showbiz to begin the final phase of a global takeover and remove all opposition. With Brexit secured, phase one – the collapse of the European union had begun successfully.
Many of the dinosaurs that once roamed our planet were pretty spectacular, based on the numerous skeletal remains they’ve left behind.
Halfbananas - humour, short fiction & verse 