Nautical Miles
‘An octopus is not a cat,’
Miles said, ‘It’s plain to see;
it’s hard to keep one in a flat,
or sit one on your knees.’
The squid’s another cephalopod,
Miles got one: “just for laughs”;
it’s not as friendly as a dog,
but it’s much more keen on baths.
‘I cook it fishcakes every day,’
he told his best friend, Peg;
she looked at him in a sceptical way,
and said: ‘Pull the other leg.’
***
Cunning linguists
English is a funny tongue,
the rules can make life fraught;
It’s hard to learn and not much fun,
words don’t sound how they ought.
Water sounds like daughter,
and lout is just like drought;
but laughter’s not like slaughter,
It can fill your head with doubts.
It will take time to grasp the facts,
and may often leave you vexed;
but if you find it prolongs the act,
you can practice during sex.
Copyright J.Lennick 2016. All rights reserved.
Drawing by Sarah Esteje
Halfbananas - humour, short fiction & verse 
You are undoubtedly the first person in history to rhyme “cephalopod” with “dog.”
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Are you sure it didn’t come up in one of Shakespeare’s sonnets Brian?
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I loved the poem, Jason, but I’m not convinced that the facts mentioned in it are entirely accurate. For one thing, the line about Miles’s squid not being as friendly as a dog didn’t ring true. I have a pet octopus called Arnold and he loves sidling up to strangers at parties and regaling them with knock knock jokes.
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Is it octopuses, octopi, or octopies? Can’t be pies, surely..?
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Perhaps it really is “-pies”. As it is not octopussy either….
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