Capes and japes

batmanI love odd coincidences and weird moments of synchronicity. Recently I heard / read something that reminded me of Laurie Anderson’s track (and surprise hit) ‘O Superman‘. It’s been a while (1981!), so I looked up the lyrics out of curiosity (Memory can play tricks). It seems disturbingly sinister and prescient now:

….This is the hand, the hand that takes.

Here come the planes.

They’re American planes. Made in America.

Smoking or non-smoking?

And the voice said: Neither snow nor rain nor gloom

of night shall stay these couriers from the swift

completion of their appointed rounds.

‘Cause when love is gone, there’s always justice.

And when justice is gone, there’s always force.

And when force is gone, there’s always Mom. Hi Mom!

 

So hold me, Mom, in your long arms. So hold me,

Mom, in your long arms.

In your automatic arms. Your electronic arms.

In your arms.

So hold me, Mom, in your long arms.

Your petrochemical arms. Your military arms.

In your electronic arms.

Jump forward a couple of hours and I was listening to old favourites of the German electronic music scene Booka Shade on Youtube, doing a BBC essential mix, from 2006. Sixteen minutes in, the familiar ‘Ha ha ha ha… ‘ signals the start of… yes, the song O Superman. Coincidence of course. OR WAS IT???!!!

It set me thinking whether we could attempt to harness the power of coincidence / synchronicity for personal happiness and/or profit. Maybe I will try writing about the incredibly unlikely event of discovering you are the long lost heir to a vast fortune, and must travel to your Gothic mansion in Transylvania to claim your birthright from a mysterious stranger in a cape.

As a kid I was a big fan of the (hilariously camp) Batman TV series, and I recall having a cheap cape made of vinyl, that smelled awful. It was probably a major fire hazard too. Much later I became obsessed by the track Bela Lugosi’s Dead, so it all starts to make sense. Possibly.

***

The ‘law of attraction’

Apparently one piece of advice doing the rounds in certain parts of Internet cuckoo land is to ‘Harness the power of the law of attraction’ (no, don’t laugh) by carrying around large sums of cash in your wallet/purse. Presumably this was started by the international coalition of muggers and pickpockets, in a bold attempt to boost their income. The cunning bastards.

***

Shock of the new

Recently I’ve been attempting to try more new things: new varieties of wine, new flavours and foods, new authors and music, even new types of *ahem* internet erotica (who knew that an inflatable crocodile, a blonde Danish parking attendant, and a canoe full of lemon sherbet could be so provocative?).

Of course it’s important not to become obsessed with chasing new experiences. One could easily become jaded and require increasingly extreme forms of literature, music or food to tickle one’s fancy. Before you know it, you’re reading the shocking autobiography of a randy, one-legged nun who became a hired killer for the Welsh mafia, listening to death metal remixes of The Archers‘ theme tune and tucking into a plate of roasted bat nipples with Rosemary (I don’t even know anyone called Rosemary).

A poem springs to mind:

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity’s sunrise”
William Blake

***

Red underpants

I imagined somebody making an adult film with a somewhat similar name to the Laurie Anderson song. A striking blonde female (or male) reporter has been thrown from a wildly-spinning news helicopter by the evil villain’s destructive death-ray/mega-bomb/garlic-breath. Batman is busy, so Superman swoops in to save her/him but he’s instantly smitten by said reporter, and those famous tight red underpants are unable to hide his excitement.

“Oh, Superman!” exclaims the reporter, swooning. “You wanna maybe grab a drink?”

Superman is caught off guard, but cunningly uses his cape to hide his er, enthusiasm, and replies: “Have you ever filled a canoe with lemon sherbet?”

“Det lyder godt” (It sounds good) replies the smiling reporter (and former Danish parking attendant).

And off they fly to his crib – The Fortress of Solitude – leaving the hapless citizens of Metropolis to fend for themselves. Cue some super-sexy shenanigans and later a threesome with Batman, where he shows off some items from his utility belt you would not believe. It proves to be quite a night.

In loving memory of Adam West, the original Batman. RIP.

© Copyright Jason Lennick 2017

O Superman © Copyright Laurie Anderson 1981

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5 thoughts on “Capes and japes

  1. “O Superman” has a curious similarity to a passage from the Tao Te Ching.

    When the Tao is lost, there is goodness.
    When goodness is lost, there is morality.
    When morality is lost, there is ritual.
    Ritual is the husk of true faith, the beginning of chaos.

    Liked by 1 person

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