Of all the animals that humans have learned to cherish and share their homes with, there is one that stands out above the rest. No not the giraffe, as lovable as they may be. I’m talking about those little whiskered troublemakers – cats.

From their apparent origins in ancient Egypt, the modern domesticated moggy has come a long way. Worshiped, at times reviled, but ultimately triumphant in winning a place in our hearts and homes, cats are here to stay. Although unlike dogs, getting them to stay is pretty much impossible.

It is said we didn’t so much adopt them as they adopted us. Although not quite as smart as dogs, or even birds, the cat has nonetheless overtaken the canine competition in many places as the people’s pet du jour. We pamper them and spend small fortunes on fancy grub, beds and toys. The veterinary bills make us weep. They kick us out of our own beds and make us virtual slaves to their every whim. These feline fiends have shown that if you want to conquer the human race, forget rayguns and advanced alien technology, being cute and fluffy is the way to go.

Somehow they trick us into overlooking their evil side. We all know they are ruthless serial killers, stalking small prey with razor sharp claws and teeth. Possessing the senses and agility of superheroes, (or villains) they often seem just as indestructible. But of course we forgive them their murderous ways, after all they are only doing what comes naturally. Humans have, for the most part outsourced our own animal killing to professionals. Out of sight, out of mind.

There are even those who seek out the larger cats for companionship, frolicing with the world’s fiercest predators. Personally I prefer not to have a playmate that might on a whim decide to rip out my throat and chew my face off, but that’s just me.

Nowadays cats, like certain sauces, come in many different varieties. From the fluffiest bundles of Persian cuteness to the strange nudity of the hairless Sphynx, there is a cat for every taste. It seems we humans just can’t resist splashing about in their gene pool, moulding moggies like the crazed Frankensteins we are. If we ever accidentally produced a breed of really smart cat, it might signal the end for our own species. Brainy cat would probably start breeding and training small monkeys to take over our role, making us expendable.

We have shared our own home with a representative of Felis catus for the past eighteen years. Her highness Minnie, Empress of the known universe is now getting on in years. She spends most of her dotage sleeping, eating or wandering about in a state of perpetual bafflement. Wanting for nothing, she has two ever-attentive humans at her beck and call. It seems when slavery was abolished, cats didn’t get the memo.

Not content with global domination of our sofas, beds and gardens, cats also have a lucrative share of the virtual world. Each day thousands more new cat videos are uploaded to the internet. Eventually we will reach a saturation point and there will be no more space for anything else. It will literally be a catastrophe.

 
Copyright J.Lennick 2015 All rights reserved.